Sit with me
I know they judge me.
I know you think they judge you too.
This one is for those who feel like they don’t belong. This is to the people who feel unseen, unworthy, and unloved. This is for those of you who feel as though you are not enough to be a part of the Church because you don’t “look the part” or “fit the mold.”
To the black man getting the awkward stares in an all-white church…
To the woman with tattoos who can feel the judging gaze upon her skin…
To the couple struggling with infertility who feel judged by the large families that surround them in the pews…
To the ones struggling with suicidal thoughts feeling like you won’t be accepted or understood…
To the people struggling with same sex attraction who have been ostracized from the church community…
To the hardworking father who gets scoffed at for his worn-out clothes because he can’t afford anything nicer…
To the tired mother and wife of the deployed soldier who feels left out because she is at mass alone with the kids…
To the family with the crying baby…
To the person with the not-so-perfect sexual history…
To the person who disagrees with me politically…
To the guy who doesn’t know when to sit, stand or kneel just yet…
To the woman who doesn’t know all the responses…
And to anyone else who feels like they have nowhere to go when they finally build up the courage to enter those church doors on Sunday, you can sit with me. You can always sit with me.
I know the feeling. I know what it’s like to be in your Father’s house, in the sanctuary, in the physical presence of our Lord in the tabernacle and feel that the Body of Christ which surrounds you would rather you not be there. Instead of allowing mass to be an experience that inspires you to know the love, mercy, and truth of God, your time there leaves you feeling dejected, hopeless, and unwelcome. And that, plainly speaking, just sucks.
You’re not alone in feeling that way. And you’re not alone in knowing that it ought not be that way. Unfortunately, our Church has so deeply struggled with adhering to the Truth in in the past 100 years that it’s become all many people care about anymore. In the pursuit of trying to uphold teaching, we forgot about the heart of the Teacher. But you and I know that Catholicism isn’t meant to only reside in our brains - it’s meant to live in our hearts and souls as well.
I recently experienced this in a powerful and heart-breaking way. I felt like I had to fit into the standard expectation of what it looks like and means to be an on-fire Catholic. I had to be the person that would be appeasing to the most represented demographic at mass on Sundays, i.e. an upper middle-class white woman. I allowed the judgement for every time I failed to meet those expectations to degrade the way that I viewed myself. Each judgement and condemnation I received only furthered my belief that I am not good, not worthy, and not really supposed to be here.
That led me to some dark places. It thrust me into this habit of seriously judging others for petty reasons, all for the sake of overcompensating my own self-doubt and overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. But there was this huge chasm between the way that these people made me feel with their looks, comments, and actions and the loving embrace I felt in my soul from the Lord each Sunday.
I don’t have to be concerned with what anyone thinks about my life except for God.
That includes my hair, my tattoos, the color of my skin, the clothes I choose to wear, and all other aspects of my personhood. I no longer want to judge other people, and the only way to cease doing so is to stop allowing the judgement of others to have a voice in my life. God wants to free us from being consumed with the “image” we portray to other people. In this world of social media and endless comparison, don’t lose yourself trying to fake your way through life.
You were created with unique gifts and talents. You – being yourself – in some direct and some indirect ways, allows others to truly be who they are as well. This is not an encouragement to continue a sinful lifestyle. It’s not an encouragement to choose your ways over God’s ways. I am not telling you to neglect the Truth. I am telling you that there are likely parts of you that are not sinful of which you are ashamed. And that this must stop. And it must stop now.
Allow God to go to work on your heart so that you can be freed of the bonds of judgement. Sadly, for us, the judgement and condemnation of the world, and even those in our churches, will continue until the day we die. But the negative, lasting impacts of those experiences can be lifted out of our lives by the grace of God.Continue to put yourself in those uncomfortable situations for the sake of others. You never know who you will inspire. And while you’re imperfect, struggling, and fighting like hell to be the person you were created to be in the midst of harsh looks, rude comments, and the temptation to feel unworthy, know that you can always sit with me in mass on Sunday. You are always welcome to sit with me.
About The Author
Nathan Crankfield is a convert to the Catholic faith. He is a proud graduate of Bishop McDevitt High School, Mount St. Mary's University, and US Army Ranger School.
After serving four years of active duty in the US Army, he joined the staff at Dynamic Catholic as a parish consultant. He now serves as a Residential Director at Benedictine College. He is the Founder and President of Seeking Excellence. Find more of his writing by visiting our blog section.