A Call for Vulnerability, Part 1 of 3
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken...If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal...Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements...Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness...But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change...It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...To love is to be vulnerable." -C.S. Lewis
Have you ever caught yourself in a moment of utter despair, pain, and loss? What did you do to pull through? Often, when we find ourselves going through difficult times in life, we cling and seek resources to help guide us through. What if I told you the answer to overcoming that hardship is diving deeper into what led you to that suffering in the first place?
Vulnerability
Does that word make you shake? Yeah, me too.
If you had told me at the beginning of this year, I would lead a series on vulnerability; I would have given you a perplexed look. I always thought I knew what vulnerability was, but it wasn’t until the mirror was pulled out and placed in front of me that I indeed was able to understand the need and call for vulnerability. Somewhere along the pathway of understanding the value and authenticity of vulnerability, I misunderstood what it truly means to be open and expose your heart. I always thought strength was the most prized possession of characteristics. I did not realize how much courage and power are required to let the world truly see who you are.
This has been a popular topic amongst many in my immediate circle, brought on by conversations that opened my eyes to how special it is to truly reach deep. I have been able to identify with those in my life who have trouble going to that part of themselves. This has opened up a door of realizations that show me just how badly this conversation needs to occur. Part one of the series will discuss the basics of vulnerability and how important it is to tap in. Part two and three will explore what exposure looks like in a relationship and, lastly, what vulnerability looks like with Christ, exploring the essence of humility in faith. Only through exposing the depths of our souls can we experience all that life has to offer.
"What happens when people open their hearts?" "They get better." ― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
What is Vulnerability?
Vulnerability is defined as a place of emotional exposure, uncertainty, and risk. It involves being open to others and the world with all the things this entails. There are many examples of vulnerability, from being in love (and saying so) to speaking in public to saying no and many other things. Vulnerability is being in that place where we feel free and terrified simultaneously, and it is the moment that drives us to achieve unforeseen heights: high risk, high reward. Vulnerability is terrifying, but it also allows us to feel highly vital and beneficial things. There can be no love, joy, resolution, or creativity without it.
Vulnerability is Strength
We equate vulnerability with being naive, gullible, and, worst of all, weak. Throughout our lives, we have learned that the opposite state of being is preferable but virtuous. You hear that vulnerability is an integral part of life, but why does the gift of being vulnerable go unspoken? In my experience, vulnerability leads to life which guides us to love and deepens our root faith and intrinsic values. The vulnerability in ourselves emerges when we are honest in asking for help or, more profoundly, by diving in and exposing our hearts to the discomfort that brings the growth that we need.
The Spanish philosopher Miguel de Unamuno regarded suffering through vulnerability as "the absence of life and the root of personality, for it is only suffering that makes us persons." According to his theory, feelings of pain exchanged between two souls can be seen as a great equalizer of humankind. Deeper connections rise from wreckage rather than ease. It is often through suffering that strength emerges and unbreakable relationships are formed. By becoming fully vulnerable, even through grief, you find common ground with people. Vulnerability can begin the pathway that leads us to serenity. The reality is that not only are we all weak no matter how hard we try not to be, but we are approaching vulnerability with a warped and complicated mindset.
"I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and preaching were not with wise and persuasive words but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power." - (1 Corinthians 2:3-4)
Vulnerability is your greatest asset in life.
To be vulnerable is to be courageous, for vulnerability stands defiantly in the face of fear, accepting the uncertainty of possible pain or compromise. To refuse or deny your subjection is to close yourself off to life and all of its opportunities out of fear, not strength. To become vulnerable implies revealing our weaknesses, our brokenness, our faults, and even our honest feelings – all possibly to our detriment. Instead, the world tells us to be "strong," to carry on without the slightest indication that life is amiss with suffering, and to put on our "happy face." But, what if we began viewing the key to success in life, from personal to professional, from the ability to expose the heart?
"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness."
― Brené Brown
Benefits of being Vulnerable
Builds trust and intimacy in a relationship
Vulnerability and trust go hand in hand in a relationship. While it can be tricky to decide which comes first, both qualities build off each other to deepen a connection.
Builds empathy and understanding
By allowing ourselves to be seen, we allow others to put themselves in our shoes. Vulnerability builds empathy and understanding for everyone involved. Compassion and experience not only lead to stronger relationships, but they are necessary benefits of exposure to feel fulfilled in life.
Increases our self-worth
It can seem counterintuitive that sharing our inner emotions, particularly our negative ones, can increase our self-worth. In reality, that's precisely what happens. A benefit of being vulnerable is that you can share, overcome this negative self-image, and realize that it's okay to be your truest self.
Helps us find the people we want in our lives
All humans need belonging, but often we mistake "fitting in" for belonging.
Being vulnerable, while scary, is necessary to help you find the people who will accept you for your authentic self. If you are weak, you can reap a vital benefit: you can find the people you want in your life: supportive, empathetic, and non-judgmental.
Allows us to work together more as a benefit if we are vulnerable
Our culture makes us think that we have to go at challenges alone. After all, we deceive ourselves into thinking that vulnerability is an extreme weakness. Real vulnerability allows us to reach out for help, and as a benefit, work together to overcome our challenges. Being vulnerable opens up a world of possibilities in terms of support and teamwork.
Helps us overcome our negative emotions quicker
According to vulnerability research Brené Brown, "shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: silence, secrecy, and judgment."
If, on the other hand, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we can foster a sense of community and support around us. We can work through our unpleasant emotions and develop coping strategies to overcome them.
Increases our self-awareness and personal accountability
Sharing our emotions and mistakes with others can also help us improve our self-awareness. By being vulnerable, we can increase our responsibility and make positive changes in our lives.
It opens us up for growth
Finally, all of these benefits – working together, overcoming emotions, taking accountability – lead to one considerable consequence: we open ourselves up for growth. Whatever the case, it would not come to fruition had we not been vulnerable in the first place.
Source: https://myquestionlife.com/benefits-of-being-vulnerable/
Vulnerability is not easy, but it is necessary. In Part two, we will dive deep into the importance of opening up within our romantic relationships. Why is falling in love scary? Why do people often shut down in the face of intimacy? Ironically, the vulnerability we try desperately to avoid may be the key to a successful relationship.
Check out Part Two here
About The Author
Marissa Lenon resides in Los Angeles, CA. She is passionate about supporting young Catholic professionals to expand in their faith. Marissa writes with an emphasis on personal discernment, relationships, professional development, and self-empowerment.
Finding solace in the rosary, acts of kindness, daily mass, and novenas, Marissa believes the real pathway to happiness is helping others achieve their greatness and potential through faith!
Marissa facilitates marketing, branding, writing, and event planning for Seeking Excellence alongside a talented group of individuals.
Connect with Marissa on Instagram @bellemarissa_xoxo or send her an email at marissa@thosewhoseek.org
