How are you doing, really?
“How are you doing?”
This phrase is my knee-jerk greeting when starting to speak with someone. We greet our friends with a “how are you?” so freely and easily in order to connect, catch up, and begin dialogue. It is our culture’s conversation starter. This question often leads to how work, family, spouse, kids, school, the weather are going. Sometimes, the question leads to how the person really is doing and you share in a special, vulnerable, or celebratory connection.
But when was the last time you asked yourself…How am I REALLY doing?
As a therapist, I ask this question to others often. To myself - not nearly as often as I should. Why? Because self check-ins are HARD when done correctly. They take personal vulnerability, honesty, mental energy, and humility. Yikes. Don’t be fooled – even therapists who are teaching these skills struggle with this themselves. (Cue being human).
We have seen a great deal of progress in the area of mental health awareness. We, as a community, are becoming more aware of our emotional needs in our journeys of becoming the best version of ourselves. As a therapist, though, what I often see is individuals coming to therapy – or simply asking for help – as a last resort.
Imagine you’re in a crowded room with a lot of commotion. You’re meeting a close friend for the first time in a while. You’re so excited to catch up together, but it is extremely hard to hear what they are saying due to the background noise. You laugh and smile and know that some of the message was not heard entirely. You try with all your might to hear the incredible stories your friend is sharing with you, but man is it hard to hear.
When our mental health is struggling, it creates a “noise” that can impact our ability to hear and connect with the Lord. It does not mean we are not doing a good job in our prayer life or that we aren’t spending time with God. It means we need to tease through some struggles and emotional distress to clear the way for the Lord’s voice.
My brothers and sisters, in order to hear the Lord’s voice more clearly, we must take care of the mind. God provided the gift of therapy in order to lean on one another to heal and grow. Leaning on your community, on a professional, or on a friend takes great vulnerability, strength, and grit.
So then, when do you ask for help?
1 Corinthians 3:16 says Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?
How well are you caring for your temple?
The answer often comes down to what I refer to as the “push through mentality” and the “check in mentality”.
I define push through mentality as pushing down your emotional response to accomplish a goal. Push through mentality is not bad or wrong. Many times, push through mentality helps us to overcome mental obstacles to accomplish a task. This mentality can become dangerous, though, when we are pushing down what our body is trying to communicate to us. When done in small increments, it can be beneficial. When done all the time, it can disconnect us to how we are feeling.
Check in mentality is the idea that we are nonjudgmentally checking in on what emotions we are feeling in any given situation. Check in mentality is vital to continually stay connected to our thoughts and feelings and ultimately understand how they are impacting our actions.
If you feel you are living in the “push through mentality,” and you are not sure you need professional help to make a change, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is what I am struggling with impacting multiple areas of my life (work, family, community, personal)
2. How is my daily emotional wellness?
3. Do I want to make a change but I am not sure how or where to start?
Asking for help to process your thoughts and feelings does NOT equal weakness. Begin to understand the definition of help differently.
Asking for help comes from ..
wisdom, not weakness
emotional intelligence, not ignorance
humility, not inability
Asking for help comes from self-love.
What is the story you are telling yourself about asking for help?
What is stopping you from taking control of your life and keeping your temple strong?
Asking for help does not mean you are not capable. Asking for help means that you have a greater insight to know we were never meant to act alone. God created us for community. We are called to lean on our community to become the best version of ourselves. Research shows that connectedness and purpose are two cornerstones that promote mental health wellness. God created the vocation of mental health practitioners to provide nonjudgmental and loving support in your healing journey.
So, tell me brothers and sisters, how are you really doing?
Mental Health Resources:
Finding a therapist:
· PsychologyToday.com
· catholictherapists.com/home
Community & Advocacy
· nami.org
· thehumanconditioncommunity.org
Crisis Resources:
· Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
· Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.
About The Author
Liz Pastina, MSSW, LSW is a Licensed Social Worker and mental health therapist. She received her BA in Psychology at the University of Dayton and her Masters of Science in Social Work at the University of Tennessee. Liz has experience working with adults, adolescents, and children in both individual and group therapy at several different levels of care.
Liz has a background of using informed Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Mindfulness-Based approaches in practice. Liz currently serves children and families and is working towards her independent license. Liz’s dream is to open up a private practice where she can practice therapy and offer a faith-based approach.
Liz is currently launching her own mental health & faith education resource - Mission Mind & Heart - which you can access on Instagram @missionmindheart
photo by Olivia Doerfler