Memento Mori
Isn’t it interesting that, time and time again, death comes as a surprise?
One could argue that it’s really the only guaranteed thing in life; the death rate for humans is 100%. We all know it’s coming, but we still manage to take most days for granted. Death is perhaps the most significant and vital transition we will ever make, and yet we don’t spend much time planning or preparing for it. Think of all the time that goes into planning and preparing to get out of the military, for moving into a new home, or for a wedding and marriage. We are so intentional and deliberate when planning for these times of change in our lives – we know that the less ready we are for any big transition; the more anxiety we have. I think the fear of death comes from a general misunderstanding of it and a huge lack of preparedness. We often have our priorities mixed up, focusing solely on the here and now when the reality of eternity sits in our not so distant future.
Preparing for marriage is actually a great example of how we let our priorities grow overly focused on the urgent, rather than the important. In order to get married in the Church, you have to go through marriage prep courses; however, most couples are far more invested in planning for the wedding day than they are in this intentional marriage preparation. Most engaged couples focus significantly more time and energy on preparing for the big wedding day than they do on getting themselves ready for the years to follow. Consider this – we put so much time and so many resources into a 5-hour event, and widely choose to neglect preparing for the time that fills the space between wedding and death. That leads many people to having an awesome 5 hours, but a very difficult and stressful next 5, 10, or even 50 years.
So it is with how we spend our lives on earth solely focused on earthly things, neglecting eternity. This comparison of a wedding and marriage here on earth to the after-life may be relevant, but it won’t ever be sufficient. A 5-hour to 50-year comparison is fathomable, and we can, through reflection, process that fully as an idea or concept. A 50 year to eternity comparison isn’t such. Our earth-bound minds cannot conceptualize eternity beyond the word itself. We cannot fully conceptualize the difference between 50 years and eternity, because we cannot understand eternity.
This lack of intentionality in preparing to meet our Maker would be reasonable if we didn’t believe in one or in everlasting life, but the truth is that most of us do. An NBC News article sites a 2016 study that showed from the 1980’s to the 2010’s, there was a significant increase in the number of people who had serious doubts about the existence of God. There was a significant decrease in those who considered themselves to be very religious. However, the percentage of people who believe in some form of afterlife actually increased. Belief in God and the afterlife are what allow us to lead a meaningful life. In The Brothers Karamazov, Dostoevsky wrote,
“If you were to destroy in mankind the belief in immortality, not only love but every living force maintaining the life of the world would at once be dried up. Moreover, nothing then would be immoral, everything would be permissible, even cannibalism.”
And while an increase in the afterlife is undoubtedly a good thing, this belief separate from a belief in God and the Church signifies some dangerous (and heretical) thinking.
Heaven and Hell – equally real
I’ve always been amazed at the way we assume salvation for people at funerals. Almost every time you hear people, including preachers, console a grieving family or friend, they assure them that the person who has passed is now in a better place. I don’t mean to be a downer, but is it possible that this is really true for every person? From a basic Christian perspective, I know that not every person goes to Heaven. Jesus Himself said, “Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it” (Matthew 7:13).
I think this is a very important, but often forgotten, truth: Heaven and Hell both exist and there are likely many, many people in both places. To me, this truth isn’t meant just to scare us into going to church on Sunday out of fear, but to move us to be bolder and more courageous in sharing our faith with others and, consequently, to live holier lives.
The problem with assuming that everyone we know gets into Heaven is that it generates a certain lukewarm faith in our own lives. After all, we knew these people. We knew their strengths and their weaknesses. We are, by nature, judgmental creatures. These ideas combine to make us think that if a person, who we know was heavily disengaged from their faith life by all knowable standards, got into heaven, then we also can be saved by doing the bare minimum. This is especially true if the individual was, let’s say, less than awesome.
Admittedly, we can’t know the inner workings of someone’s heart, and we are certainly not the judge. Therefore, I’m not championing that we loudly proclaim at a funeral that the deceased won’t make the cut into heaven, the point is that we just don’t know. The uncertainty is tremendous.
The Catholic response to this ambiguity is reason #472 that I love being Catholic. If you watched the Fr. Mike video I attached a few weeks ago (also attached today), you will know what I mean. He states that we typically have three major reasons for wanting to attend a funeral: to say a final goodbye, for closure and grieving, and to the celebrate the life of the person. But these are each contrary to the main purpose of a Catholic funeral. The reason we gather is to offer the sacrifice on the mass on behalf of the person who has passed away. The main problem with assuming someone is in Heaven is that we fail to pray for their salvation and for their soul in purgatory.
I’ve noticed that in my own life as well. Many times when someone dies, I’m asked to pray for the family. While the family is certainly in need of prayers and God’s love, our main focus should be praying for the soul of the individual who died, asking for their salvation, and offering sacrifices on their behalf.
Fr. Mike makes another interesting point. We are often told that we shouldn’t judge people while they’re on earth, but we are quick to judge them once they leave this world by declaring where they will spend eternity. Canonizing the person who died is not the role of family or friends, and certainly not the purpose of a funeral. This happy go lucky idea of not judging others unless it’s pleasant and convenient comes from a few flawed, yet mainstream, beliefs:
Belief #1: God doesn’t really send people to hell
One of the most deceiving and misleading teachings circling around in Christianity today is that hell and the devil do not exist. I do understand the difficulty of reconciling an all merciful and all loving God with this concept of hell, but I don’t understand how you can profess to believe the teachings in the Bible and those in the Church yet say that hell doesn’t exist. Now, many of you may think that I’m exaggerating this problem. Not that many people actually doubt the existence of hell. You might be able to convince me that few people actually outright state that belief, but isn’t it obvious that we don’t believe in it based on the way we live? In our personal lives we often demonstrate this belief by having a passive or lazy approach to developing our relationship with God. In our evangelization efforts, I think it’s even more common. Do you share the Gospel with people as if their eternity depended on it? Or do you tend to be more focused on preserving your relationship and your reputation by avoiding what could be a “touchy subject”?
Belief #2: Ignorance is a free pass
A common objection to hell is the hypothetical (although probably common in real life) situation of someone who never gets exposed to the faith and dies without ever getting baptized or professing belief in Christ. It’s a good question and an interesting one to discuss. But it’s utterly irrelevant to most of us. Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Pray then to the Lord of the harvest that he will send more laborers into the harvest” (Matthew 9:37). The harvest around us is certainly plentiful each and every day. We are not interacting with people who have no access to information about Jesus. In modern day America, essentially every person has access to free resources about anything and everything. I must drive past 40 churches on my way to work. The people you know who are unbelievers or disengaged in their faith are not that way because they are deprived of the opportunity to learn. This ignorance is a result of choice. And while we can’t save everyone, we do have an immense responsibility to lead people closer to God and his Church through our prayers, words, and actions.
Belief #3: Just be a good person
We have this vague belief floating around today that if you are just a ‘good person’ you will be good to go in the long run. That’s ridiculous. The idea of a “good person” has as many definitions as there are people who claim to be one. Almost everyone fancies themselves a good person, even some serial killers and dictators.
According to our faith, getting to Heaven requires more than avoiding being a horrific human being. It’s typically the holiest among us who identify themselves more as a sinner than a saint. Why is that? Because the closer you get to the light of Jesus, the darker you find yourself to be. When compared to true perfection, you find yourself to be small, wretched, and hopeless without His mercy and love. Conversely, when we are far from God, we tend to compare ourselves to the evilest among us, and we shine here. People truly think that because they are not committing drastic, mortal, sins on a daily basis, they are ‘good.’
This conclusion doesn’t come from any sort of logic; it simply comes from laziness. People who don’t want to change or put effort into their spiritual health are quick to lower the standards that we are called to. You see this happen as many churches today drift further and further from the fullness of the faith that Jesus originally intended for us. People reject absolute truth or high standards because it challenges them to actually live their lives differently. And even those of us who are engaged members of the Church often fail to live our lives with enough conviction, joy, and zeal to actually make them give faith a chance. I think one of the main causes of this problem is that we fail to remember death.
Remember Death
Memento Mori is a Latin phrase that means “remember death.” As Fr Mike explains, the meaning is actually two-fold. It serves as a reminder of our impending death, but also serves to call to mind the fact that we have already died to sin through Baptism and are risen to a new life in Jesus Christ. The phrase used to be extremely common among Catholics. At times it was even used as a greeting. One of my best reminders of death comes when I’m on a plane that is about to land. I always think of just how little a mistake could cause us to crash. No, this thought doesn’t invoke fear and anxiety. Instead, it causes me to evaluate my life up to this point:
Am I happy with how I’ve lived? Am I happy with how people would remember me? What would my eulogy sound like? Who did I not reconcile with who could be left feeling empty and without closure? Do people know how I feel about them? Do they know how grateful I am for what they’ve done for me? Have I done my best to know Jesus and to make Him known?
I come off each flight motivated to live my life. For many, though, the thought of death doesn’t bring about inspiration to live life to the fullest. Instead, it draws forth serious fear, worry, and anxiety. I know that in my own life few things give me more anxiety than procrastinating on something vitally important. I believe that a lot of anxiety and depression comes from not having a proper understanding of death along with a lack of preparedness for it. Think about how hard it would be to near the end of a life you know you are currently wasting.
Most of us fall somewhere in between one of two categories:
1) Knowing God exists and striving to live completely for Him
2) Knowing God exists and ignoring that fact, distancing ourselves more and more from Him with each passing day
Many people unknowingly fall closer and closer to that second category. Most of the time we say that these people are depressed or have serious anxiety, which is true and logically follows from the fact that they are so distant from God. This is not to deny that mental illness exists, but it is a claim that it’s often over diagnosed, especially in Christian circles. After all, being eternally separated from God is quite literally the definition of hell. Therefore, to be very distant from Him in this life would be as close as it gets to hell on earth. This is why St. Maximilian Kolbe had more joy in Auschwitz than a suicidal Hollywood actor might have.
Peace, hope, and joy are virtues that come through grace. When our life has no meaning or greater purpose, when we lack the love of God in our lives, what else is there but sadness?
Matt Walsh explains it well in his new book Church of Cowards,
“We are told that despair – or depression, as we call it today – is a mental illness. But how can we call someone ill for being in despair when he has so many good reasons for that despair. . .We do nothing for a despairing man by numbing his sadness while leaving him to his empty, miserable existence. . .Life moves always on to death. Every step we take is a step closer to it. If death is a plunge into nothingness, if it is the cessation of all being, then what is there but despair?”
We are called to draw people out of that despair. One of the necessary marks of a Christian is hope. This hope, when fully present, doesn’t allow for there to be fear of death. We have hope in God’s mercy and goodness, trusting that our wholehearted pursuit of God’s presence here on earth will be finally made fully possible in heaven. Contrast Matt’s description of the unbeliever’s despair, life and the view of death with C.S. Lewis’ view of the afterlife for a believer in Till We Have Faces,
“The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing – to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from – my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back.”
Death is our journey home to worship God for all eternity.
Everybody dies, but not everybody lives.
A healthy view of death along with a serious intentionality around trying to be prepared for it allows you to be fully alive. The best athletes are those who play like it could be their last game ever. The best concerts are those where you see someone perform like it could be their last one. In a similar way, the best lives are those lived in a way that doesn’t take time here for granted. I want you to love your life and to live like it’s almost the end. This means spending time being truly present with people, forgiving people, loving others with all your heart, and being bold in your faith. It means tenaciously seeking out your purpose in life and then pursuing it with all your heart.
Knowing that there’s an end allows us to understand the urgency of now. You may not understand why just yet, but God created you in this particular time in history, in this particular place, for a particular reason. Your life will go on forever, but your time here on earth is finite. The most important things we can do in this finite time is know Jesus and make Him known.
Are you spending your limited time wisely and intentionally? I hope so, because your eternity and the eternity of many others will likely depend on it.
“Many great things depend, don’t you forget, on whether or not you and I live our lives as God wants.” –St. Josemaria Escriva
This reflection is a part of Seeking Excellence's EXODUS 90 series, which took place in the months leading up to Easter.
Nathan Crankfield is a convert to the Catholic faith. He is a proud graduate of Bishop McDevitt High School, Mount St. Mary's University, and US Army Ranger School. After serving four years of active duty in the US Army, he joined the staff at Dynamic Catholic as a parish consultant. Find more of his writing by visiting our blog section here.