If Only Life we’re black and White Like Me, Part 2
A three-part series of open letters from a biracial man to a hurting nation
Disclaimer: There will be people who will tune this out the moment they find something they disagree with. My aim here is to address our reality and propose a practical way forward that will actually help improve the lives of black Americans. I have no desire to perpetuate racism, anger, or hate. I want to see us provide solutions that will positively affect future generations. I challenge you to push through the discomfort, read all the way to the end, and discuss your thoughts/opinions with me and other people.
This is part two.
To my dear black family and friends,
It has been an emotional last two weeks for me. I can’t even lie, I tried to just avoid all this at first. I was so caught up with work, my new ministry, and personal life that I didn’t want to dedicate time to addressing this problem. Initially, I thought I was just avoiding it because I didn’t want to deal with the inevitable drama and polarization that would ensue. It seemed like I was just tired of seeing people argue on social media. We all have our limits, right? It appeared I had hit mine.
As time progressed though, I could tell that this wasn’t the problem. I actually started to realize how much of the racism problem in my beloved country I had started to ignore and truly grow numb towards. The murder of George Floyd was a catalyst for me to really start to face our reality here. It started me on a long journey of self-realization and awareness that I want to share with you today.
Every time another one of our brothers or sisters is wrongfully killed at the hands of the police, I subconsciously change my attitude toward cops and society as a whole. I am reminded over and over again about the setbacks of slavery, segregation, and the war on drugs. Not only am I reminded of ways that they have destroyed our ancestors’ chances of getting ahead, but also the many ways that they affect us now. With each new death, we are forced to face the reality that the police target us black men with what seems like a vengeance. It’s like they are out to get us, and our hearts know it every time we see one pass by.
Being an Army veteran has only multiplied my confusion and disdain in regard to the police. On one hand, I feel a unique closeness to any service men and women who are willing to risk their lives for the safety and wellbeing of others, which undoubtedly includes law enforcement. On the other side, because of my experience, I can’t possibly come to grips with the fact that these professionals become so reckless under stress. Almost every time we trained, we did so under the most stressful environments we could create. This is what allows American soldiers to go confidently into battle. It’s unimaginable that these officers of the law can be this unprepared to handle the heat of the moment in some of these cases. During my years in the Army, I learned a lot about leadership and influence in the midst of chaos and stress.
At large, our black community may not hold all the leadership positions we would one day like to have, but there’s no denying our ability to influence the culture and the country. You have seen this with athletes, rappers, actors, you name it. And now, we see our social power displayed on video as random white people will literally kneel before a stranger asking for forgiveness for a wrong they didn’t personally commit, just because a person of color told them to. That’s some serious juice.
With that comes some serious responsibility. I worry that as our voices are being heard in ways we’ve never experienced before, we are using it more as an opportunity for emotional outrage than for logical leadership. Our emotions, and the experiences that caused them, are real, valid, and need to be shared. However, that must be balanced with practicality, mercy, patience, and virtue. This country can absolutely leave this time more unified than ever before. It is possible. It is in many ways, whether we like it or not, our responsibility to make that happen.
In most cases of police brutality, it has been my observation that the nation is divided regarding which party they should support. It seems as if roughly 40% of the country seems to immediately defend the alleged victim, 40% jumps to defending the cop, and 20% of us are left feeling uncertain who was wrong as we wait for the details to be released. There is typically a grey area due to such a wide range of “facts” that get shared on the internet when there is no video. This grey area is where things get ugly, but it’s often where we find the truth. We cannot treat every case as though it’s black and white, or as if it’s black vs. white. However – the appalling murder of George Floyd – this here was something different.
The immorality of George Floyd’s murder was black and white. It was so egregious that it allowed for no lukewarm attitudes toward condemning it. The great news is that nobody really disagreed. I have not talked to a single person that doesn’t think Derek Chauvin should be charged, prosecuted, and sent to prison. You might think this is irrelevant because it’s so obvious that things should be this way, but I think it’s very noteworthy.
There are certain people in this country who thrive when we are divided. They don’t want to see us unified across lines of race, ethnicity, religion, or political party affiliation. Why? Because profits come from big stories, outrageous statements, and other forms of entertainment news. There is no room for a 24-hour news cycle in a peaceful and unified nation, and their goal is to stay in business. So long as we keep silencing each other and thereby evading any chance of compromise, business will keep on booming. This means that even when we all (and by all I mean 99.9% of the people I have ever met) agree on something like the conviction of Chauvin, the media and politicians must focus on extremities in order to create division.
All the white people I know today think that Floyd’s death was a moral failure, one that left blood on the hands of all four officers. If you go back one or two generations, that would certainly not be the case. We have come so far over the last 100 years. The journey may be far from over, but it’s important to recognize the progress that we, Americans of all races, have been able to make over the last two centuries.
I often get frustrated when certain social movements begin to compare themselves to the struggle of blacks in America. On the same token, I also think it’s equally disrespectful to the black men and women who fought and died for our rights for us to act like things are as oppressive and unjust now as they were 100 years ago. Having been an Army infantry officer in a predominantly white unit, I know that the opposition and discrimination I faced there was simply incomparable to what black officers faced in the early 20th century. We have ancestors who had to overcome so much just for a chance to have so little. Today, in comparison, we have little to overcome with so much more available to us if we are willing to do the work.
This by no means justifies the inequality that remains for us to overcome, but I believe that the solution that leads to removal of those obstacles are found on the other side of them. It was the men and women who broke through barriers that changed the way people saw blacks. It was uncomfortable for me to go to a mostly white college, participate in a mostly white ROTC program, to then commission into the least diverse branch of the Army. But you know what those actions did? The same thing (on a much smaller scale) that the heroic actions of the Tuskegee Airmen did. It was the same thing (again, much less significant) the bravery of the men of the 54th Massachusetts Infantry Regiment (remember the movie Glory?) did in the Civil War. It showed people of all races that a black man could do it. For the white men, it showed them a new side to black people. It was a side different than what they had only seen on television shows or negative news reporting. For black people, I provided yet another necessary example to show that we, too, are capable of doing things like graduating from Ranger School and leading an infantry platoon into combat.
I went to Ranger School knowing I had only seen one or two ranger qualified black men compared to the dozens of ranger qualified white men I had seen in the five years leading up to it. I knew that most, if not all, of the instructors would be white. Still, I was honestly proud to represent minorities in that school. The whole time I was there I kept reminding myself of the quote they show at the beginning of the movie Red Tails:
“Blacks are mentally inferior, by nature subservient, and cowards in the face of danger. They are therefore unfit for combat.” -1925 U.S. Army War College Study
I was determined to prove them wrong, just like every other black soldier who had dared greatly before me. In my not-so-humble opinion, my achievements made a big impact to those who were witness to them.
We are facing a society that has upheld unjust laws, systems, and beliefs toward our people. Unfortunately, the aftermath of that reality is not something that can go away overnight. It’s going to require a ton of perseverance. It demands that we get back up each time we hit the ground. Sometimes we get knocked down by the societal system that has kept us in bondage for so long, and other times we fall because of our own decisions. As a platoon leader, I learned that sometimes we have to set aside our emotions and continue to take decisive actions in the face of evil. There is a time and a place to grieve. Sadly, in the midst of a 400-year-long war, there is no time or place for emotional reactions. I don’t say this to be callous, but to call you to your full potential in this time of need. You know the black community is amongst the best in the world at pushing forward despite the danger and uncertainty the future may hold. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t mourn our losses, I’m telling you that we need to continue to fight the good fight while we do so. And we need to continue to do it in an honorable way.
When a toddler experiences something they don’t like they usually react with some combination of shutting down, emotional outburst, and violence. I have done this myself, even as an adult. I’ve done it in relationships, at work, in my spiritual life, and many more situations. But as I’ve grown into a man, I’ve done some hard work in conditioning myself to choose to respond to adversity instead of simply reacting. This adversity could be self-inflicted or could have come from external forces. It could be just punishment or downright wrongdoing. Either way, I had to respond and not react. I removed the control of my life from the dictatorship my emotions once had over every decision. I moved forward with a new democracy that takes into account my heart, my circumstances, my desired outcome, other people, and the well-being of my soul.
I believe we have a responsibility to do that as a community. Our actions from this point forward must take into account our emotions and pain, as well as our desired outcome, future generations, and our moral character. It is time to embrace our community’s need for stewardship of all these areas. We must stop shying away from our roles and responsibilities as parents, neighbors, family members, and citizens. We have fought hard for our rights, but those rights tend to come with responsibilities. We have more opportunities now than ever before. It’s up to us to expect that we will all pursue these opportunities with excellence, hard work, and endurance.
I am sincerely thankful for the courage of so many black leaders who have embraced this responsibility during this time. There are many out there stepping up in ways large and small to continue to fight for justice. I am also grateful for all the ways that many of my white friends and family are taking serious time to genuinely reflect on the ways that they condone or contribute to racism in our society. There are so many things that need to be changed and we want to see it all happen so quickly. That being said, I’m here to tell you today that the only rapid change we can actually affect is the change that needs to take place within ourselves.
*Note: The internal change that needs to take place within our community does not negate the external change that must take place in our country, but it also needs addressed*
For too long, our black community has held ourselves to the same low standards that the white community has held us too. Perhaps it’s the aftermath of hundreds of years of oppression and racism. Maybe it’s because of the corruption and inequality we face regularly. To be honest, what has caused it matters significantly less than our need to fix it. I believe the only way for us to truly thrive is if we, too, are willing to take responsibility for the portion of change we can control and the ways that we ourselves contribute to the destruction of our own community.
This letter was, in some ways, much harder for me to write than my last one to my white friends and family. In that letter, I detailed some of the ways I felt unwanted, isolated, and distant from family members, classmates, fellow soldiers, and people in my own Church. But if I’m being honest, the pain of some of those experiences paled in comparison to the rejection I have felt from the black community. It’s an incredibly frustrating and traumatic thing to be rejected by people who don’t look like you. Yet when that happens, you are eager to rush back to those who do, expecting to be received with open arms. When you get to this place of expected consolation and are met with closed doors and mockery, it leaves you feeling downright dejected.
Do you remember what the main cause of my rejection was? It was the way I talked. It was the clothes I wore. It was because I went to private school and received good grades. It was because of who I chose to be. I was rejected many times by members of the black community at a young age for the very same characteristics that would lead me to actively changing stereotypes and breaking racial barriers. I don’t share this out of pity for me. I share this out of pity for us. I used to get the same pushback from white people who would incessantly tell me “I’m not black” because I didn’t use enough slang or dress in a way they would consider ghetto or hood. Over time, I started to realize that theseare the very stereotypes and prejudices we are fighting against right now. This is our battle. So why are so many of us fighting on the confederate side of this intellectual civil war? We are perpetuating the same beliefs as those we hope to change. It does nothing but keep us believing our only options are community rejection or adoption of the behaviors that create those stereotypes in the first place.
In the Army, we used to always say that when you get into the heat of battle, you don’t rise to the occasion. Instead, you fall to the level of your training. I would argue the same is true in a culture. When in the moments of difficult decisions, we don’t rise to our ideals and the levels reached by our heroes. We fall to the level of our conditioning. This conditioning has been heavily impacted from outside forces and other races. There is no doubt about it. But it’s time we face the ugly truth that we, too, are responsible for the conditioning of our own people. This is done in many ways including our parenting methods, the ways we treat each other, and what behaviors and lifestyles we condone/promote.
Our ancestors fought to overcome impossible odds just so we could have the chance to one day thrive in this country. Things are far from where we need them to be, but I do think we’ve hit a threshold where we need to be as internally focused on growth and change as we are externally focused on those things. There is no comparison of systemic racism now as there was 60 years ago in this country. It still exists. It needs to be fought. But I urge you to stop and look around you at who is fighting alongside us this time. Our fellow Americans of all races, religions, and political beliefs are having their eyes opened and are realizing some of these problems for the first time. These problems have been obvious to us for years, but that’s because of our proximity to them. If we choose to call racism on every person who is now being enlightened to our issues instead of patiently journeying with them, we will end up more divided than we were when we began.
We are in a position at this time to make significant progress toward unifying our country in ways that have never before been seen. However, unity must be our end goal and we must be strategic in all that we do. Our actions must be decisive and lead to a fruitful, desirable outcome. Say what you will about the looting and violence that follows these murders, but honestly take time to evaluate, who does it help? Even if it’s a justifiable emotional reaction for angry people to fight back, what cause does it serve to advance? Does stealing TVs from Target help to erase stereotypes? Does acting like mad men in the streets lead to more racial unity or equality in America? We are allowing people to make a mess and blame us for it. People of all races are out acting a fool right now just to take advantage of the situation, using us as a shield for their wrongdoing.
My brothers and sisters, we have been used as a scapegoat for immorality long enough.
We owe it to ourselves, our ancestors, and our future generations to hold ourselves to a higher standard than causing death, ruining livelihoods, and destroying cities just because “that’s what angry people do.” If we don’t want angry cops killing people, then we can’t let angry rioters do it either. We must stop this cycle of celebrating our failures and shaming our successes.
We need to condemn what ought to be condemned, and praise what ought to be praised. This simple rule will allow us to change our standards for ourselves. I don’t blame us alone for getting this backward. For a long time now, we have lived in a society that largely promotes what we do wrong. It’s the way we got attention and fame. It doesn’t need to be that way any longer. For the most part, it is notthat way anymore. There are still many systemic things we need to change, but I truly believe we find ourselves more in the midst of an ideological and social structure war than in one for rights and laws. We need structural change, but even more so we need to influence the minds of people who are making decisions that go beyond what is in our legal system. This means we have to start changing hearts and minds.
Bringing people to a higher level takes time, patience, and most importantly, it takes a great deal of love. We have to stop shouting at people who are ready and willing to listen. Now is the time to enact the influence that we have on the culture to explain our experiences to people who have had no way of understanding it in the past. We can’t fault white people for not knowing what it’s like to be black in America if we haven’t told them. Maybe you have tried to tell them. I know I have, and most of the time, they were unwilling to listen. I think this time is different. It seems like this time they have opened their minds and softened their hearts toward what we have to say.
Are you willing to dive deep into your heart and share your story with the people who need to hear it? Will you join me in starting to take responsibility for the things we can change within our own communities? In changing the way we treat each other? In condemning wrongdoing and promoting true success? Are you down to start holding yourself and your brothers and sisters to higher standards for the good of the whole community?
None of that is easy. I know it’s painful. I shed tears with you. I hear your cries for justice. I feel your fear and grief. I know we all want to scream, fight, and destroy. Vengeance is always tempting. Yet, we have this great responsibility. We owe it to ourselves to be better than this. We owe it to ourselves to demand better than this from our country. If we’re not willing to be the disciplined, hopeful, and truly heroic people we are capable of being, this whole opportunity will just slip away. Whether we like it or not, we need to be willing to play the hero of our own story.
I applaud you for your courage. I appreciate you for your strength. I recognize your suffering and am here to fight alongside you. We can never forget that courage is not always just a call to action, but can also be a call to intentional restraint. I have always loved the exchange between Jackie Robinson and Branch Rickey, the owner of the Dodgers, in 42. Branch is explaining to Jackie how he wants to pull him up to the major leagues, but is concerned that he’s not going to be able to handle the criticism and hatred that inevitably awaits him. Jackie is clearly unsettled by the expectation that he will be graceful under such intense, undeserved scrutiny. This is what he says next:
Jackie: You want a player that doesn’t have the courage to fight back?
Branch: No…no. I want a player who has the courage not to fight back... they’re going to do anything to get you to react. Echo a curse with a curse and they will hear only yours. Follow a blow with a blow and they will say, “the negro lost his temper. The Negro does not belong”. Your enemy will be out in force and you can not meet him on his own low ground... We win if the world is convinced of two things: that you are a fine gentleman and a great baseball player... Can you do it?
In a similar way, our change will come as a byproduct of the progress we make within our community and within the country as a whole. We will, with the help of our fellow Americans, continue to fight for equality in the legal and justice system. And we will also fight to win the hearts and minds by being people of outstanding moral character. I truly believe that if our ancestors who died anywhere from 1865-1964 were brought here today, they would find themselves extremely disappointed with the racism that still exists in our country. However, I think they’d also find themselves somewhat disappointed with what many of us have chosen to do, or fail to do, with our freedoms for which they fought and died.It is now our time to be the men and women of whom they would be truly proud.
The country undoubtedly needs to change, and so do we. We must be bold and courageous. We must be patient and forgiving. We need to be the best we are capable of being. You want to help eradicate racism and stereotypes? Start by being the best man or woman you are capable of being. Do all that’s within your power to make a better life for yourself and your family. Every time you improve, our community and the country improve. It’s not time to play the victim. It never has been, and it never will be. Our ancestors didn’t play the victim when they were slaves, nor did they when they had to be segregated from the rest of society. Fight for progress in your family, your workplace, and in your community. Along the way, share your stories, build relational bridges, and fight for justice in your circle of influence.
We will only win if the world believes us to be fine ladies and gentlemen, and great at whatever we fix our minds to do. Can you do it?
I know you can.
Be your best, Nathan
Nathan Crankfield is a convert to the Catholic faith. He is a proud graduate of Bishop McDevitt High School, Mount St. Mary's University, and US Army Ranger School. After serving four years of active duty in the US Army, he joined the staff at Dynamic Catholic as a parish consultant. Find more of his writing by visiting our blog section here