Hand it Over
You poured everything you had into loving someone – a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a sibling, a child, a parent, a stranger. And now you’re disappointed. Because it didn’t “work.”
We need to stop and ask ourselves why we think that – why we think that it didn’t “work.”
What was your love supposed to do?
When we were children, and we brought mom or dad a picture drawn with crayons and watercolors, we didn’t stop to wonder what they would do with it. We just gave it to them and ran away.
When we were children, and we picked a flower for a friend, we didn’t notice the way it was wilting a few hours later. We were just happy they made it into a necklace and hung it around their neck.
When we were children, and we invited classmates to our birthday party, we didn’t worry whether or not they would like the food or the music or the other people who were there. We just wanted a chance to celebrate.
What Place Does Confidence Have?
Slowly, as time has carried on, our love has turned inward and focused more and more and more on our own selves. We’ve become, literally, more self-conscious. More conscious of our own flaws and mistakes and imperfections. More conscious of our plans and our dreams – of the way we want things to be. More conscious of all the ways life has disappointed us, surprised us, fallen short of those plans and dreams.
We are scared to hand our love over – not only to other people, but to God. We don’t trust Him with our heart. Our love has been taken and trampled and neglected and abused in the past, so when we do try to give it again, we do so hesitantly. Timidly. Half-heartedly. In pieces.
We’ve started to linger after handing over the watercolor picture, or the flower, or the invitation to the birthday party. We try to give it, but then look over our shoulder to see how many likes we got. We hand it over, but then we scroll back to reread the compliment we gave or the question we asked and think of all the ways we wish we would have said it differently. We hand it over, but then we replay the situation in our head as we walk away – critiquing and questioning and shrinking with anxiety, because we are consistently looking backwards to understand how the future is going to play out.
What place does confidence have in a world that makes all its decisions based on the past?
Want to be friends? Let’s talk status. We’ll look at the past, and then we’ll decide. Want to make the team? Let’s talk performance. We’ll look at the past, and then we’ll decide. Want to graduate? Let’s talk grades. We’ll look at the past, and then we’ll decide. Want a new job? Let’s talk numbers. We’ll look at the past, and then we’ll decide.
In many ways, love has just become the next item on a long list of things we need to evaluate before making a decision on.
Right?
Wrong. I think this is wrong.
There is No Fear in Love
Though both counter-cultural and counterintuitive - I think love is different.
We cannot measure love in the same way we measure everything else, because love is not conditional. Love does not have to prove itself. Love is not deciding whether or not someone is good enough. Love is also not using someone else – for their reputation, their looks, their body, or their company.
Love is not giving it all away to someone you’ve not yet committed your entire life to, and then waiting to see if it works out. Love is not hesitant, timid, half-hearted, or given in pieces. Love is also not dominant. Love is not abuse.
Love is not letting someone else live in a sin or a lie for the sake of their own comfort. Love is not settling. Love is not one-upping or condescending. Love is not judgemental. Love is not comparison. Love is not competition. Love is not status, or past performance, or grades, or numbers.
Love is not fear. There is no fear in love.
We Fail
Love is patient – it understands that a genuine desire to do better is more important than the mistake that was made again and again.
Love is kind – it listens.
Love is not jealous of the likes on her picture or the accolades that he got.
Love is not pompous – it does not look down on those without fame or money or the same experiences you have. It recognizes its own shortcomings.
Love is not rude – it smiles at strangers.
Love does not seek its own interests – it does not live a life of instant gratification and does not rely on affirmation at all times. Love waits. It rejoices in the way waiting clarifies and emphasizes the desires you have.
Love is not quick-tempered – it welcomes the purification that a challenge or a change will bring.
Love does not brood over injury – it forgives. Over and over again.
Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth – it is honest. It does not pretend or sugarcoat or water down. It helps. It encourages. It does not abandon. It celebrates the struggle that carries others to heaven.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
We fail. Love does not. Isn’t that incredible?
Love bears all things, love believes all things, love hopes all things, love endures all things.
Knowing this, hand your love over to Love itself – to God – who is so much more capable than any of us are, and let Him make something beautiful out of it.
If He lets you see the results - great.
If not - that doesn’t mean they’re not there.
Hand it Over
What are you looking for, when you criticize the compliment you gave or the invitation you extended? What could you possibly find that would tell you an act of pure intention was wrong? Nothing.
So hand it over.
And when the relationship needs to end? When the friendship fades? When something you once felt so strongly about doesn’t seem right anymore?
Hand it over.
Recognize that you will not get to see all the fruits of your labor and you will not always get instant gratification or affirmation.
Hand it over.
Love that does not achieve the results we want is no less genuine than love that does.
Hand it over.
What is authentic, brave, pure, selfless, well-intentioned – that is love. And love is not wasted. Your love is not wasted – ever.
So hand it over.
About The Author
Tori Slayman grew up in St. Charles, Missouri. She then attended Benedictine College in Atchison, Kansas, where she majored in both Marketing and Mass Communications/Journalism. She wrote for the college newspaper, The Circuit, and was a member of the women’s soccer team for four years. She graduated in May of 2019.
She’s had a growing, lifelong dedication to her Catholic faith and enjoys learning as much as she can about the way people think and impact the world. She uses her background in athletics, as well as her faith, to write reflections that help gain perspective on the role God plays in every area of our lives. She shares these reflections on her personal blog, www.untilIfiguresomethingelseout.com.
She is married to her best friend. Both Seth and Tori currently reside in Northern Kentucky, where Tori serves as an Associate Consultant for the Dynamic Catholic Institute.
Link to original post from Tori:
https://www.untilifiguresomethingelseout.com/words/hand-it-over