It is challenging to scroll through Instagram or flip through a magazine in 2020 without continually hearing the phrase self-love. Not saying anything with "loving yourself" is wrong, but in a "Me" based society that puts the sense of self before "we," is it really conducive to promote a world that encourages to love yourself even more? 

Loving yourself can mean different things to different people. Some reserve their Sundays for quiet time and meditation, while for others, this “self-love" mentality is used as motivation to buy themselves that extra handbag or indulging on the second scoop of ice cream. But if we really took a step back and paused, we would ask ourselves, where does "self-love" really come from? 

True self-love is a state of being that improves our physical, mental, and spiritual development. By taking the time to know ourselves, we are more apt to accept the person God intended us to be. In this state, we are held accountable for the decisions that we have made and are willing to do the work to improve our whole selves, not only for ourselves, but for the people we choose to surround ourselves with. This modern phenomenon of self-love can be easily confused with (NPD) Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NPD can be defined as having a lack of empathy for others and a deep, rooted need for attention and praise. This behavior is what can turn the idea of "Self-love" into a toxic trap. 

One swipe through social media or the local entertainment section of the news fills your feed with examples of this behavior. Are these public figures who flaunt their assets actually fulfilled, whole individuals capable of fully loving others? They can be, but for most, narcissism is a condition that develops from the need to fit into a world that is not built on the principles and ethics of Faith.  

Like all things in life, self-love must be observed and developed in the sense of balance. Not everyone who takes time for themselves is selfish, and not everyone who doesn't invest proper time in who they are becoming is inherently wrong. Self-love should be a deep desire inside our hearts that navigates each decision and leads us to a feeling of peace. Loving ourselves means loving our mistakes and the path that God has put us on to become the saints we are striving to be. The more we invest in the development of righteous self-love, the easier it is to divert that experience into the care and concern for others.

The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31

For most of us, we are taught at a young age the golden rule of treating others how we want to be treated, but what about loving ourselves? It's a fair and valid argument to make that to honestly treat others with the utmost amount of respect and adoration, we, in turn, have to love ourselves as well. 

St. Thomas Aquinas addresses the very question of self-love in the Summa Theologica.

On the contrary, Augustine says: 

"He that loves his neighbor, must, in consequence, love itself." But we love our neighbor out of charity. Therefore it follows that charity also is loved out of charity.

Or it may be, finally, that the very love of self inclines one to the love of others, that rather than being opposed, they are essentially complementary, with the love of self-finding its fulfillment precisely in the love of others.

When I think back on what I would tell my past self, I always laugh. The cliché thoughts of "make sure you save your money, end that relationship, pay more attention in mass, and respect your parents" always stand out in my mind as bold reminders of the transformation process of life. The one element that I wish someone would have explained to me is that by investing in my relationship with Faith, this would lead to the most proper and ultimate form of love I can give to myself and others. 

Through my adult years, it took me to understand the significance and value of sitting in a dimly-lit church while gazing at Our Lady of Grace, adorned near the altar. Or spending time in deep thought, relishing in each mystery of the rosary. When I leave these experiences, I am left with a feeling of peace and a heart so full that I can actually feel God's presence within me. 

I believe that we intrinsically have a right to love, and we are instructed to treat others with kindness, but are we doing that for ourselves?

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

A familiar Bible verse that most Christians can recite verbatim comes from the New Testament: 1 Corinthians 13. This verse is typically recited during the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. These words act as a guide to assist the new couple throughout their relationship and in navigating the hurdles of life. 

What if we, as Christians, not only focused this on our loved ones, but put the emphasis on ourselves? 

We have to remember as we walk this life, that we are never alone. During times of despair, doubt, and fragility, when we feel like we have nothing to hold onto, the silent voice, that small ache, is the power of the Holy Spirit encouraging us to press on. If we align the love that we have for ourselves the right way, this simple act can improve the deep love we have for God. 

Remembering the words Corinthians 13 has taught us, let us start by directing these words onto ourselves with the hope that once they are embedded and true, we can live this message out to others, genuinely sharing the purest form of love God has built within us.

Love is patient, turn that patience and kindness to yourself - be gentle with your shortcomings, release your worrisome feelings when you don't quite make it to the place you thought you'd be. Take your wins and allow them to pivot and expand you so that you can exult in your successes and encourage others to achieve theirs. Loving yourself means rejoicing in the truth of who you are and what God intends for you to be. Believe in yourself through all things, never surrender and hold hope in the blessings God has placed along your path, and have Faith that with your heart, you will endure all things. By loving yourself, not within your physical being but spiritual, you will always find the source to dig deeper, and that love for the greater good will never end.

Be the light,

Xoxo, M