I’ve never been good at planning surprises for people. However, my mom was in for quite the surprise on Christmas Day in the year 2000. She excitedly opened up the box I had my dad help me wrap for her the night before. I was pretty thrilled to give her this gift. I was only seven-years-old, but we had a “Secret Santa” shop at school where we could buy gifts for our loved ones. Mom opened the box and there it was. I had given my Lutheran mother a beautiful little image of Mary. She was perplexed, thankful, and happy. Neither of us knew at the time, but this would become the beginning of a journey that would lead to both of us converting to the Church and falling deeply in love with the Blessed Virgin Mary.

I was definitely a mama’s boy growing up - partially due to my natural inclination to cling to my mother, but also majorly due to my father’s absence for large parts of my preteen years. It’s pretty easy to become a mama’s boy when mama is the only parent around. This deep love for my mother acted as a catalyst for my love for Mary. Because of how central my mother was during those years, I could easily understand the importance of Mary in Jesus’ life. This wasn’t only true for me, but most of my childhood friends also had distant fathers. In my eyes, mothers were the consistent, primary source of love in one’s life.

They were fighters. They were support systems.

They were lifelines. Mary was the epitome of each of these.

When I looked at Mary, I could see all the good of the examples of mothers I saw in my life, without any of the flaws. She was that perfect source of love and encouragement. When I was 13, in 8th grade, my relationship with my dad (and most male role models in my life) was at an all time low. This pushed me even further into my mother’s arms. I was baptized Lutheran, but wasn’t well-versed in the differences between denominations. I did know the one thing that mattered most to me at the time - the Catholic Church had Mary. And that was enough for me to put in my request to join the Church.

Through Mary, I met Jesus and His Church. It would be years later before they would gently lead me to a deeper relationship with the Father, and I would walk into a renewed relationship with my earthly father.

Around that same time, my mother decided to follow me in joining the Church. Even before it was official, we bought ourselves a big statue of Mary which we placed on our front doorstep. From that day, Mary was a central figure in both of our lives. There was something magical about teaching my mother to pray the rosary. It was a beautiful collision of my two worlds, with my two mothers.

Mary has been my tour guide through this Catholic life I now live. She’s been there for me through the ups and the downs. Her love, along with my confidence in it, has never wavered through the years. I’ve struggled at times to feel and accept the love of God, but always knew Mary was with me, cheering me on, encouraging me to get back up each time I fell. She would console me, advocate for me, and love me through my healing. When things are going wrong in life, I move in haste to get back to Mama Mary. I encourage you to always do the same.

The General

When I was a child, I was so blind to the toughness and resilience that the adults around me displayed on a daily basis. Both of my parents worked extremely long hours to provide for our family. I never realized how tired they were when they would wrestle with me, make us dinner, or clean the house. Life seemed simple and easy to me, so I assumed it was that way for everyone. Over the years, I was exposed to the harshness of their battles. I came to know the struggle of adulthood, relationships, and mental health in tough times. With these realizations, I discovered a much deeper respect and a profound, refreshed understanding of who my parents were and what role they really played in my life.

I travelled through a similar process of revelation in my journey towards understanding the Blessed Virgin Mary. Much like Jesus, she is often portrayed as a very nice, quiet, and gentle person. They both undoubtedly have the ability to be kind and still, but they are some absolute warriors.

The most transformative analogy I’ve ever heard was this: Jesus is our King and Mary is our General.

And we are at war.

Mothers often run the ship. Have you seen a mom in action during the holidays? They organize, plan, and give the commands needed to execute efficiently. Mary is the most loving, caring, and gentle woman to ever live. But she’s also the strongest, most resilient, and most committed woman to ever do it. In the Christian life, there is no easy day. Mary accepted this truth deep in her heart. She knew what it meant to play hurt. She knew what true, devastating pain felt like. She’s not some distant mother who can’t relate to our struggles. She has experienced some of the most brutal hardships. Mary earned her stripes while on this earth.

Don’t disrespect her strength by neglecting it for the sake of her kindness.

Mary wouldn’t be some helicopter parent who would try to protect us from every moment of adversity as we like to think. Mary wants me to be a man. She wants me to be a strong, determined man who lives a life of courage. When I was in US Army Ranger School freezing my face off and hungrier than I had ever been, she didn’t want me to quit so that I could replace my suffering with comfort. Her love and support were with me always, but she was firmly encouraging me forward. Always forward.