Do you ever think back on your past and remember a time in your life when things were going really well—you were achieving your dreams and living on a high—and think, “I wish that was still me.” You remember the rush of emotions and feelings you felt in a previous moment of consolation. 

Or maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe you’re running from the past—feeling like an empty shell of the person you used to be before the mistakes, the hurt, the decisions made, or life circumstances. You just want to be able to start over and shake it all off. But it sticks with you.

I am with you. Some days—the ones where I just reminisce on life—I look up to heaven and ponder the question, “Who even am I?” 

Who am I? 

Am I a has-been elite athlete wrestling with a lack of clarity in my new career? Am I a young single woman just waiting for that next stage in life where I can settle down and raise a family like I desire? Am I a young professional with multi-faceted interests, but unsure of what direction to pivot toward? Maybe I’m a writer. Maybe I’m a photographer. Maybe I’m a Catholic speaker. Maybe I’m a tennis coach. Maybe I’m a digital marketer. I really freaking don’t know. I want answers I don’t have and only time can give me. 

I look back on my former self and a time when it was so easy to define myself. I was a daughter, a straight-A student, a competitor and an elite athlete. I excelled at all those things. 

Days when I find myself reminiscing, it’s easy for me to feel disoriented and lost because I lack the clarity I once felt in my past life. My whole life, I thought I knew myself so well—exactly what I wanted and where I wanted to go. But the more I learn about myself, the more I realize how little I actually know myself. Ironic. 

So I return to the question, “Who am I?”

The Answer.

It’s easy to get caught up thinking that our former selves are “better” or “worse.” When I was a pro tennis player, I willingly allowed myself to be defined by that label because, well, it sounds pretty freakin’ cool to say you’re a pro athlete. Yet as I sit in my eight-hour desk job now, I refuse to let it define me. So if this isn’t who I am, who am I? 

I’ve wrestled with Jesus in prayer over this. When I feel disoriented from change and lost in life, I go sit with Him in the Blessed Sacrament. Every time, He answers: I am His. He is mine. This covenant of love is the foundation for everything. He reminds me that clinging to the false confidence of life circumstances, relationships, career success, or dreams will not sustain me. Only He will. 

A New Confidence

This Truth has transformed my interior life over the past year, giving me a confidence I didn’t know I could have. It doesn’t matter who I was before this stage in my life. It doesn’t matter what people think of me now. I belong to Jesus and He belongs to me. THAT is all that matters. This truth has made me bold in so many aspects of my life. 

For instance, in dating, I don’t mind putting myself out there. If I like a guy and he’s not making a move, I’m going to tell him. If I want to grab coffee, I’m going to ask. And if he says no, I say okay and move on. I’m not hurt by it because I’m not clinging to false confidence in what he thinks about me. I know I’m awesome. I know I’m beautiful. How? Because Jesus tells me. Again—I am His. 

Similarly, in my career discernment, I take risks. I pitch my work to publications I have no business pitching to and cold email people who I want to learn from. I take chances, and if I don’t hear a response, I understand it’s just not God’s will and remain confident in my abilities. I know I’m capable and talented and qualified to do anything God asks of me. How do I know? Because again—I am His.

This confidence is not something Jesus has only given me, but He extends it to each and every one of us. It starts with rooting ourselves in Christ. It’s not convenient to schedule frequent reception of the Sacraments and daily prayer into my already busy days, but these are necessary to my inner confidence. When I let these things slide, my confidence does too. 

If we place who we are in Jesus, we are able to face anything life throws our way with bold assurance and conviction. 

Turn the Page. 

Each of us can start over whenever we want. 

Do you not like who you are right now? Well you can change right now. You don’t have to stay in that relationship. You don’t have to stay in that career. You don’t have to keep living in that situation. You don’t have to keep falling into the same habitual sin. 

No matter what you are doing right now, whatever you have done in the past, and whatever you do in the future—it’s not who you are. Your circumstances never define you.

I’m not saying our actions don’t have consequences (because they do), but our identity doesn’t rest in them. The worst sinner and the greatest saint had the same identity: They both belonged to Christ. Let that sink in. 

No matter what we do, Christ still wants us because again, WE ARE HIS! Friends, we can start over whenever we want. We can evolve, grow, and change. What a freaking beautiful gift!!! Instead of seeking validation in our ever changing life situations, will we allow the Truth of who we are transform our lives? 

I want to challenge each of you to join me in rooting yourselves in Jesus Christ who came to earth two thousand years ago for you. Because you are His. And He is yours. Return to Him through the sacrament of Confession. Repent of all the wrongs you have done and vow to make a change in your life. Return to a life of prayer and the Sacraments. Your past—whether good or bad—doesn’t define you. He does—Our Savior. 

From the depths of my soul, 

Josie