A few days ago, I began a reflection on finding our true selves, here are my final thoughts on how you can find clarity and peace in you who are meant to be:

Often times people want what is best for you, but don’t know what is best for you.

I’ve had many people in my life who love me deeply try and distract or deter me from living out my true purpose.  Scripture repeatedly tells us that we are not alone in this. One of my favorite examples of this comes from Matthew 16:21-23:

“From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him and began to rebuke him, saying, ‘God forbid, Lord! This shall never happen to you.’ But he turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me; for you are not on the side of God, but of men.’”

Whose side are you on?

It would be far too easy for us to look at St. Peter like he’s some sort of fool, but we do this to people in our own lives all the time. We discourage people, whether intentionally or not, from being who God has called them to be by casting our own fears, negativity, and selfishness upon them. We often end up on the side of men, seeking to satisfy our will rather than the Father’s will. Naturally, we all have people who do this to us as well. Far too many life missions go unfulfilled because people allow loved ones to draw them away from the path they are (or should be) on, especially if it’s a difficult or risky one.

We cannot afford to underestimate the person God has called us to be. I recently heard Fr. Mike Schmitz say, “When you underestimate your role in God’s plan, you underestimate who He needs you to be.” Once you know your mission, it’s your responsibility to be a good steward of your time, talents, and resources to fulfill it as best you can. This means staying focused and not letting the doubts, fears, and wants of others – even those you love – stop you from doing what you are called to accomplish.

I felt this type of ‘loving’ concern profoundly when I experienced resistance when choosing to go infantry, or when I was called upon to deploy. As I’ve said before, it brought on a lot of unwanted comments about danger, worry, concern, fear, anxiety, etc. from family and friends alike. Why were these comments unwanted? Because I had already discerned it through prayer and felt called by God to do it. After that’s been done, nothing else anyone else has to say matters, unless it is truly going to help me along the journey. Does that sound harsh? Well, maybe, but Jesus called St. Peter “Satan” and a “hindrance” to his face when he tried to interfere with His purpose, so maybe it’s not so impolite after all. Perhaps staying aggressively focused on our purpose and mission is exactly what God calls us to do.

Love me or hate me

“Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart. If you hate me, I’ll always be in your mind” –William Shakespeare

I personally love the idea that Jesus came to afflict the comfortable and to comfort the afflicted. I try to be a seamless combination of the two myself, and I tell people in my life that I’m very intentional about being kind, but avoiding being what I call a ‘nice guy.’  I want to be able to really help someone reach their fullest potential. This requires true love. Love is wanting what is truly best for the other person, which sometimes is correction and a strong challenge. Sometimes when I am giving a talk, this doesn’t sit well with certain people, but so what? I once heard someone say, “A talk for everyone is a talk for no one.” I think it’s important to know your audience, and know who it is you are trying to reach and serve. If you know what you are here for, you can readily deal with criticism from those who complain about you missing the mark on targets you were never aiming at in the first place.

A friend of mine recently said something interesting about President Trump. He said that the one thing you have to give him credit for is that he gives everyone something to either love or hate.  Even if you’re neutral about him as a whole, you probably still either love or hate the specific aspects of the man. Take his pro-life stance and his Twitter account as two prime examples.

Most people are so lukewarm about their values and passions that they don’t even evoke a response from anyone. This really resonated with me, as I had realized years ago that there were not a lot of people who felt neutral about me. At the time, I considered the people in my life and realized that almost everyone either hated me or loved me. I always provoked either strong opposition and disdain or love and respect, without much in between. My mom has never much understood how people could dislike me (classic Mama Crank), but I knew that it was the fruit of a personality I had very intentionally created.

When I think about the people who I wanted to model my life after (e.g. Jesus, Mother Teresa, MLK, Derek Jeter, the Rock – bet you’ve never seen the Rock on a list with MT and Jesus before), I realized that they also left people with two options: love or hate, admiration or contempt.  

A majority of the people in our world at this moment choose not to stand starkly in support of anything. We live in this overwhelming, politically correct culture where we are encouraged to stuff our opinions down inside of our hearts and proceed with great caution, lest you actually offend somebody with what you have to share. I refuse to believe in that. After all, one of the common missions we share is to go and make disciples of all nations. It’s quite hard to do that well if you’re constantly afraid of making someone else uncomfortable.

When Jesus was being Himself, He made people uncomfortable. You should be okay with doing that, too.

We’ve all heard the classic advice that you should avoid discussing politics or religion. However, these are the two topics I probably discuss the most, with friends and strangers alike. As you now know, this isn’t likely to change anytime soon. I love engaging in these difficult conversations with other people, especially strangers. For me, it’s the mental equivalent of mountain climbing or a wrestling match. I don’t come to these conversations to claim a victory, I just want to offer to anyone who will listen the amazing things God has brought me to know and believe in my life. I think all Christians should feel this way.

You wouldn’t walk by someone who was bleeding out on an airport floor. You would stop, assess the situation, and treat their wound, even though doing so would be extremely uncomfortable and physically painful for them. You would especially do this if you were EMT trained and qualified. Why would you do that? Because you love other people and follow the Golden Rule. You wouldn’t be a coward with someone else’s life on the line. Well, people are bleeding out spiritually all around us. They need your example, joy, time, and insight. As a Christian, you should fight to be trained and ready when the time comes. This preparation requires courage.  Why be a coward when you could allow God to work through you to help save souls?

Something to Remember

“Always be yourself…unless you suck” –Joss Whedon

This is a very important caveat. I know by this point some people are thinking all this be yourself stuff is getting out of hand. After all, some people are awful, and we’d very much like for them to be someone else even if they’re faking it! So let me be clear:

The commitment to being who you are is about being who God calls you to be. It does not relieve you from your responsibility to continuously improve yourself to be your best.

One of my biggest pet peeves in life is to hear someone justify some unpleasant trait they have by saying, “That’s just the way I am."  This is not meant to give people an excuse to be rude, demeaning, or immoral in their thoughts, words or actions. We need to be constantly evaluating ourselves in all the major areas of life to see if we are really being true to ourselves and fulfilling our potential. Here are some good questions to consider in those areas:

Spiritual – Am I pursuing God with all my heart? What does my prayer life currently look like? Am I making God the center of my decisions and living according to His teachings as best I can?

Physical – Am I being a good steward of my body? Am I exercising in a way that’s challenging and building up a tougher mind and body? Is my diet contributing to my health in a positive way? Is this my full potential at this stage in my life?

Mental – Does my schedule reflect my responsibility to be a continuous learner for the sake of teaching others? Do I make time to read and watch/listen to things that help me to be a more virtuous person?

Emotional – How are the relationships in my life? Am I taking full responsibility for my half in every relationship I am in? What can I do to become more emotionally intelligent? (i.e. better able to identify and deal with my own emotions and to recognize and properly respond to the emotions of others)

Financial – Am I being a good steward of the gifts God has given me? Based on my last month of spending, how generous have I been? Am I sticking to my budget and living below my means?

The fruits of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness, modest, self-control, chastity) are meant to be embodied by us all.  I just believe that they will be more easily produced in your life when you’re not bending to the every whim of people in your life and focus intently on who God is calling you to be.

God also created you with some type of uniqueness of which you might be ashamed. Maybe it’s the way you laugh or some interest that you have. I believe that these unique qualities have to shine forth if you’re going to find who you are truly called to be and what you are here to do. If you’re repressing some individual aspect of you, so long as it isn’t sinful, I encourage you to start to embrace that. Be who you truly are. You’re going to perform at your best when you get your priorities in line and start caring more about what God thinks about you than what people do.

Humility is an incredible virtue. I also think it’s wildly misunderstood by most people. One of my least favorite quotes on it is, “humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less”. I agree that it sounds cute but I find it to be incomplete and misleading. Humility is a virtue within one’s self that defines how you see yourself and your relationship with God. My favorite definition of it comes from St. Augustine, “Humility is seeing yourself as you are in God’s eyes, nothing more and nothing less”. When we get to thinking of ourselves less, I think we fail to reflect on how we can better ourselves, what we need to change, and neglect our own serious spiritual, physical, mental and emotional needs. All of these things fail to bring us to our full potential. However, when you stop and consider yourself in God’s eyes you recognize that you are a horrible sinner and simultaneously a beloved son or daughter who has a significant role to play in God’s plan. The best place to see who you truly are meant to be is in the eyes of God the Father.

God calls us to rely on Him for the grace and strength to do all the good things we will do in our lives. After we’ve done them, we are to give Him all the glory and praise. Abandon yourself to be fully dependent on God this week. Allow yourself to be transformed by His love and mercy. The best way to discover who you are is to leave behind all the negative things you yourself and others have placed on you over the years and fully embrace who God says you are. He loves you more deeply than you can imagine and wants to see you thrive. He wouldn’t have created you to keep you in the dark about your identity and purpose.

Pursue clarity around your identity in your prayer time this week. Ask Jesus to tell you who you are and what you are here to do. The only catch is that to really get the answer you have to be fully open to whatever that might be. I can only guarantee you that nothing will lead you to experience those fruits of the Spirit more than embracing your role in God’s plan with everything you’ve got.

This reflection is a part of Seeking Excellence's EXODUS 90 series, which took place in the months leading up to Easter.