Where are all the men?

A common question asked in Christian circles today is “Where are all the men?” I was in a meeting with one of my parish leadership teams on Monday, and they raised the question multiple times. It’s undoubtedly a good one, but personally I think it’s a little late to be asking it. One of the interesting aspects of my job and life is that I get asked questions like this by people who are decades older than me. Having someone who was around for the last forty years of church history asking me, someone comparatively much newer, what happened is somewhat perplexing. Imagine showing up to a family day at Hershey Park six hours after everyone else arrived. Your brother starts asking you why your three nephews are missing and why your father already wants to leave. You will naturally go back and forth between two options:  

A) make your best guess 

B) ask point blank why the heck he is asking you, when he was there for it all

Thanks be to God, I typically go with option A. I think the answer to this question on the whereabouts of Catholic men is honestly a somewhat easy one to discover. We have generations of men who were raised mainly by women. In nearly every family household I was exposed to growing up, the men were either absent altogether or, at best, heavily under-engaged in the raising of their children compared to the mothers. The last 60 years saw the dramatic rise of technology, the sexual revolution, individualism, and radical feminism. There is really no wonder why the faith is declining, especially in men. Because of these things, we are distracted more than ever. These matters teach us that the sexual promiscuity and “freedom” are the way to a happy life. They teach us that the only person that matters is you, regardless of how your decisions or actions affect anyone else. They also teach us that masculine traits are evil and oppressive, and therefore must be done away with. 

In a world like that, people still manage to be surprised that we aren’t raising great men.  

Nevertheless, I think it’s the wrong question to be asking. Learning history is important. It is necessary to have an understanding of what has happened in the past so that we can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.  History also gifts us a deeper understanding of what led us to where we are. Altogether, though, this is useless if we don’t then turn and look at where we are heading. I think the history teacher is important, but not as important as the visionary leader. It’s good to know where you come from, but even better to spend time focused on where you’re going. I would like to hear churches ask themselves, “How can we better engage the men in our community?”

Why don’t people ask that? Because the answer to that question demands a personal response. It is a call to action. It’s convicting. This question doesn’t allow us to point the finger of blame at others. I could rant about the applications of radical feminism and individualism all day, as some of you well know, but it wouldn’t be the best use of my time. Together, we need to decide what we can do as a Church, as a society, and as individuals, to help create strong men. The need is urgent and very serious. Here is a fun fact shared to me by my good friend, Sean. He learned it from listening to a podcast by the man who founded Exodus 90. 

“The singular, most predictive factor in whether or not a child will practice the faith is the faithfulness of the father." There is an interesting study out of Switzerland in the 90’s that found the following: 

· When the father and mother are practicing the faith, there is a 33% chance that those children would grow up to be regularly practicing Catholics 

· When the father doesn’t practice, but the mother does, there was only a 3% chance the children would grow up to be practicing Catholics

· When the father practices and the mother does not, there is a 41% chance the children will practice the faith 

It’s not to say that a woman doesn’t play a role in fostering the faith of a child, but demonstrates just how powerful the influence a man has on the family.

The Alpha Male

During our lives, we have a number of defining moments. These moments help us to deeply understand who we are and why we are here. There are several that I specifically remember helped shape me as a man. Some of these were good and some of them were not so good. One that I want to share with you today took place years ago in Fort Bliss, TX. 

After junior year, every ROTC cadet goes to what used to be called Leadership Development and Assessment Course (now called Cadet Summer Training, I believe). After this 30 day training, I went to Fort Bliss, TX where I was to shadow an Infantry Platoon Leader. This three-week internship was incredibly eye opening for me. I saw the virtues and the vices of the common infantryman. This forced me to really take my senior year seriously in regards to deepening the roots of my faith life. One of my main reasons for opting into this training was so that I could decide what branch I wanted to join. I had narrowed it down to my top three:  Infantry (think foot soldier), Armor (tanks and heavily armored vehicles), or Military Intelligence. 

Like many life decisions, this one brought with it an abundance of unwelcomed advice from friends, family, and soldiers. I was accustomed to this, but had, at this point in my life, grown to the point where I chose only take advice from those I respected deeply, whether those in the relevant area of life or from God through prayer. Above all else, I wanted to do what God wanted me to do. I found the answer through prayer and through an unforgettable conversation with Staff Sergeant (SSG) Partyka in the platoon office one afternoon. 

SSG Partyka was a straight up killer. The man was about 6’1," 215 lbs. He was a monster in the gym and also had a great run time. Tattoos covered his arms. He bore the coveted ranger tab on his left shoulder and a 10th Mountain Division deployment patch on his right shoulder. He had graduated both Sniper School and Recon and Surveillance Leader Course at Fort Benning, GA. The man had proven himself. What impressed me most, though, was his intellect and mental toughness. He had been affected by some of the horrors of war he had witnessed while in Afghanistan, and this dude had my respect on a deep level (despite some less than admirable things he would say or do). 

One day in the office at Ft. Bliss, the topic of branch selection for officers came up. SSG Partyka looked at me with an intensity that constantly remained on his face and asked, “What branch are you going to be, Crank?” I said, “I’m not sure. I’ve been leaning toward Armor or Military Intelligence, but I’m considering Infantry as well.” He looked at me with an increased seriousness and replied, “Armor? That’s stupid. Are you an alpha male?” 

Having never been asked that, I was pretty stunned and said in a way that hoped he would answer his own question for me, “I’m not really sure." He answered frankly, “You seem like one. I think you should go Infantry. That’s where you belong. You can do it."

That conversation changed my life. SSG Partyka, one of the toughest men I have ever known, told a 21-year-old Nathan Crankfield that he was an alpha male. It boosted my self-image and confidence in ways few other things had ever done. My mom has always been very encouraging and supportive of me, but she would never have the pinnacle impact that this man had on me in that defining moment of manhood. 

This reflection is a part of Seeking Excellence's EXODUS 90 series, which took place in the months leading up to Easter.